An Epiphany

I have had an epiphany today. Yes, another one. But a great one, one that left me feeling content and fulfilled with where my life is and where it is going.

See it's tough to stay in school. 4 years to do a Bachelor's at full-time? 20,000 Gs?
I can't afford that. Time-wise, nor money-wise. So I study part-time. But then, that 4 years quickly becomes 7 or 8 years. 7 years to obtain a Bachelor's? 7 long years of toiling away in minimum wage positions, working at coffee shops and restaurants, scraping by. It doesn't appeal to you? Doesn't appeal to me either.

Add to this "torture" the fact that I study in French - not my first language. I don't know why, but i've chosen to put myself through a meat-grinder of an education it would seem. I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

So, while one of my professors was dragging on, rather listlessly, in French, about municipal political structures across North America, I decided that I am done studying there and will study at one of my city's finer, English-speaking institutions. Again, part-time, but nonetheless, in my mother tongue.

I will start in winter so as not to lose anytime. With 3 classes/term, I can be done in another 4 - 5 years. Not 45 but 4 - 5. It aill seem like 45 though.

But it will pay off in the end. I considered the other night, going to one of the technical colleges in my city. In fact I live right near a very reputable and well-attended one (read: well-financed, no chance of disappearing overnight as some vocational schools can do).

There, I would take a 1-year office admin. or tourism planner program. 1 year. in. out. they give you a work placement for 2-weeks, they teach you WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW, and they help you acquire employment upon graduation. All that for LESS than I'm paying for a post-sec education. A 50 min bus ride away, second-language, costly, post-sec education. So, comme j'avais mon voyage avec Quebec (i've had it with Quebec), j'avais egalement mon voyage a l'Universite ________.

Im gonna go speak some good english at a uni here in the city where ill get a degree and a job with the federal government in 2011 when 40 percent of their workforce becomes eligible for retirement.

Lesson for today: Do what you love in life cause it's your life and you're the one that's gotta enjoy/endure it.

UPDATE: College is a much better option for people who feel the way I do: that education should not take a life-time (yes 7 years to a young person feels like a life time!) and cost an arm and a leg. Rather, college offers people a fast, direct, and applicable education. I will therefore be studying journalism at one of our city's fine colleges next september. I have ceased going to my francophone university. How I enjoy going to the library, reading, writing, thinking, formulating opinions on things. Too often, in this hectic and busy world, where we are told where to go, when to eat, when to sleep, we lose our sense of direction, our sense of who we are and what we wish to achieve. Taking a step back from the "chaos" (school/work/etc) I now have time to cotemplate these million dollar questions and choose a life path I will be happy with. 24/11/2008

School/Academia

I've decided to keep up with the school. I want to succeed and do well now. If it means that I have to leave people behind, or change existing thoughts/feelings on things, then I will.

I don't want to be the blue collar guy forever. I want the Master's the PhD the 90,000/year salary, the Lexus. I want to surround myself with knowledgable and intelligent people. This involves me to start focusing more on my own needs as opposed to those of the "working class".

I am no revolutionary or union organizer. I have my own needs (diabetes, et al.) and need to find a job that suits those needs. Working at a desk sort of appeals to me now. I want to wear a nice, pressed shirt to work and carry a black leather briefcase. Currently the only days I get to dress up and engage in thoughtful debate and study is Mondays and Wednesdays when I go to school. As my French improves (I study at a francophone university) I find myself taking part in more debate and loving the writing assignments.

I think the tide is turning.

why we work

im in a small dilemma. i like studying. but then my diabetes sort of gives me a lot of trouble. i find it hard to sit through my 3 hour classes and manage my blood sugar levels. theyre up, down and all around sometimes.

reading through socrates/plato for my philosophy class, it was the belief of ancient greeks that our destinies were decided. that we should do what comes naturally. what fits us. not try to go outside out our circles. that does not mean that we should resign ourselves entirely to fate or be depressed about it, but that perhaps there are some of us who are meant to do some things, and others who are meant to do other things.

i work in the meat dept of a local grocery chain. i love my job. and i cant say why. lol. but i love it. the work, the team, the varied tasks that i get to do in a shift.

i like working with the public. i want to enter public life someday. i've actually been toying with the idea of running in the next municipal election for councillor.

anyways. sometimes simply having a plan gives us comfort. and my comfort thus comes from my plan to take only 1 class next school term. 3 is too many. i want to work more. i hate my days off. im bored, depressed, and aimless. i wander from the fridge to the computer to the tv to my homework to the cat to the fridge and so on.

i want to work. i keep moving and it keeps my blood sugars good. i enjoy the place. im making money. and im interacting with the public.

i've recently taken up boxing and i can tell you there is salvation in that. alice cooper beat alcoholism by taking up and playing golf. im not an alcoholic but boxing helps me stay grounded. boosts my confidence and keeps me healthy.

i think challenge is important in life. you look at the idle rich. the stars, hollywood and a few hundred years ago, the aristocracy. they often seem depressed. endless drinking and partying to keep things lively. they have no challenge in their lives. the rest of us ask ourselves what we'd prefer to buy, that new jacket or the PS2? we can't have both. the rest of us ask ourselves what we want to eat on thursday night when we get home from work at 6:30 pm. there are no leftovers, the pasta cupboard in empty and were tired of pea soup from a can. we don't have our own personal maids and chefs.

at work i have a great time. how many people in the 90210 know what they're missing? take off the rolex, sell the 2nd mercedes, roll up your sleeves and get into town. work at a burger joint, a soup kitchen, a car wash. interact with the PEOPLE. us, joe public.

and i dont think im the only one to think these things. how many of us prefer to go into work on a weekend than stay home sometimes? i look at my own friends and co-workers. a lot of them work on weekends and take extra shifts. heck. we dont know what TO DO with our extra time.

sociologist robert putnam wrote a book: "Bowling Alone" re: the declining rates of participation in local groups/clubs/activities. its true. our lives sort of revolve around work. and its an unfortunate reality for people like me who sometimes long for the past. a time when families spent sundays at the lake. lulling in the sun. picknicking.

as kids we played everyday after school. we were outside with the hockey sticks, forging homemade stanley cups with sheets of tin scrap in the backyard fire pit, tearing up back alleys on our bikes, waterfights, neverending games of kick the can.

we've sort of lost that today. kids just go home after school and fire up the xbox.

thus. i think i will join the masses. i will work more. because its true. our lives revolve around work now. ill bet half of our friends are co-workers these days. we spend as much time at work as we do sleeping. (for those of us who get our 7-8 hours)
work is where we have an identity. outside of that, we are just sort of blowing in the wind. wandering aimlessly from the fridge to the computer, to the tv....